You’re not an addict.

This is what people say to me when I tell them I’m 7 months sober. They think that the person they see, drinking socially, enjoying a few glasses of wine with dinner, ordering frozen margaritas on the beach, and consuming what they consider to be an acceptable amount of alcohol doesn’t have a drinking problem. The person they don’t see is a person that no one got to see. For me, my habit was hidden from most. And the closet drinking was hidden from everyone. Mr Forever didn’t even know how much I was drinking. Only me. That’s a dangerous place. It’s a very difficult to own… because you don’t have to. No one is seeing that person, and most don’t see the half of it. You know who does though? That’s correct! The people closest to you. The people that mean the most. Spouses, parents, best friends, siblings. They see you at your “almost” worst. But the real rock bottom, only you can see.

No one knows your truth but you.

People don’t like to acknowledge the your issue because it forces them to look at themselves in a way that they may not be interested in at the moment. If they see you as anything but a respectable member of the drinking society, it may cause them to question their own drinking habits. But here’s the thing, we are all very different.

Person A has 7 alcoholic beverages per week, one glass of wine each night with dinner. Person B has 7 alcoholic beverages per week. All on Saturday night from 8pm-1am. Which person is an alcoholic? This is not Jr High school arithmetic and the answer just isn’t that simple.

There’s lots of reasons why people will tell you that you don’t have a problem. This WILL cause you second guess your choice. Easily convince yourself that you can control this… and relapse.

Romanticizing the idea of being able to control your addiction one day is a slippery slope.

Return to the moment that you stepped into your truth. Admission, realization, and humbleness. Remember that strength. Remember why you made that choice. Remember the loved ones that you’ve hurt, disappointed, or lost. Remember how far you’ve come before you decide to go back. Back to zero.

Only you get to determine your breaking point, your rock bottom, your “enough is enough” moment. Only you get to decide your path. And ONLY you get to decide what your future looks like. Choose carefully. 💕

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