Wow.

It’s been awhile! I was in a black hole, and I’m climbing out.

Here’s the thing.

This journey is a rollercoaster. Ups and downs. Just when your on top of the highest high, you can plummet to the lowest low at record speed. Twists and turns you don’t see coming and your head is just rattling. Until you don’t know if your upside down or right side up. So much has happened in the past few months, including my 1 year of sobriety milestone. On January 20th I celebrated my sober birthday, but it did not come without some serious soul searching, resetting, pain, and personal growth!

It was alllll good when we got down here to south Florida in October to spend our winter. Quick stop in Orlando to spend time with family was awesome, then home sweet home! Thanksgiving was great! Surrounded by family and friends, alcohol removed wine in hand, I was like “I got this!” I can’t say exactly when things got bad… but it was shortly after this.

It’s crazy how your brain will worry about , stress over, and create anxiety and depression in response to things YOU HAVE NOT EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT YET! Suddenly I was just sad. I was just worried. I was feeling anxious about something but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Something was looming in the back corner of my mind, I could feel it, I could sense it, but I did not know what it was.

December came in with a bang! The anniversary of my father’s suicide and my husband’s father’s death are days apart in the beginning of December. I got scheduled at work for doubles on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day! The one year anniversary of my mother-in-law’s passing was looming on the calendar in January. Our first holiday in South Florida without our boys was more difficult than we could have ever imagined. We were in a tighter financial situation than we are used to, all the while I could not turn to my BFF Tito because…ya know…SOBER!

I learned the hard way but just telling yourself that “you got this” and ” you are strong” is not enough. It’s a start, but it’s not everything! There’s so much more you need to do. And I’m not that great at juggling 57 imports things! 😫 So here’s what I’m doing…

I figure out what balls are glass, and what balls are rubber. Glass balls are the ones you can NOT let hit the ground. The important stuff. Family, kids, relationships that mean the most. Those are your glass balls. They deserve most of your focus and energy. The rubber ones are droppable. They will bounce back into the rotation when they can. And girl do you look spectacular when your juggling ALL THE BALLS 👯‍♀️ That’s when you are in beast mode! TA DA I’m amazing 😉

But not all the balls will stay in the air 100% of the time. So when you have that feeling of the world tilting on its axis, and your focus is suddenly shifting and unsteady, remember that all you need to do is keep those glass balls from hitting the ground and shattering. Everything else will bounce. Promise!

2 thoughts on “You can’t have breakthroughs without breakdowns!

  1. Keep these coming! Hearing that others are struggling in many of the same ways helps me feel like I’m not alone. But more than that, hearing about ways to cope with the many things that can ‘trigger’ an episode is most encouraging. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

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